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How I Avoided The Dark Side

Texting on a touch screen phone
Keith Bell

I almost crossed over to the dark side. I almost took a bite of the Apple.
My phone was acting up – a problem with the charging port. My phone was no longer taking a charge and it was dying a quick death. It would only be a matter of time before I was “off the grid” – unable to actually communicate with another human being. Well, other than conversing directly with someone – or using that phone that hangs on the kitchen wall – you know, the one that all the telemarketers call.
My phone was a Droid, not an Apple product. I’ve had several Droids, and this is the second time I’ve had a charging port problem. Apparently, I have a serious problem putting the thingy into the hole when it needs a charge. (Insert your own juvenile humor laugh here.)

So, off to the phone store I skipped, intent on becoming an Apple person. At the moment of my trip, I had not yet owned any Apple product – I’ve never had a Mac Book, an iPad, not even an iPod. (Come on, I work in radio! If I want to hear music, I’ll just turn on the radio.) My kids have all crossed over to the Kingdom of Apple. iPhones are in 3 of 4 kids’ hands or pockets at any given time, and broken iPods liter the junk drawer in our kitchen.

At the phone store, I was greeted with the usual, “What’s your name and cell phone number?” and told to hang out until someone could help me.

I wandered over to the iPhone 5 display, or shrine, with the phone on a pedestal with a bright light shining on it. For a moment, I thought I heard a chorus of angels.

After a dozen minutes or so, a helpful, and obviously commissioned saleswoman greeted me and proceeded to spray out the wonderful benefits of the iPhone 5. It sounded great, until she told me I couldn’t actually have one until Friday – or, maybe next Monday. Back ordered or something. I then started to ask about the iPhone 4 – which was immediately available. Her response, “I wouldn’t even buy my mother that phone.” Yikes! I thought, “There goes your sale.”

I didn’t give up quite yet, though. I told her, “I don’t even know if I really need an iPhone.” Looking down her nose at me, she said, “Well, it’s much better than what you have now. It’s much faster.”

Bingo! It happened right then and there! I don’t need to go Apple. I didn’t really need an iPhone. See, I don’t need a faster phone. I just need a phone that works. A phone where I can call my parents in Florida, and hear them talk about how nice it is there. A phone where I can text my son, up in his bedroom, and say, “Dinner!”

Instead of a new phone, I decided to take advantage of my insurance plan, and ordered a new phone – after, of course, paying a healthy deductible fee.

Sorry, Apple, you can’t have me yet. I’m going to keep walking over on this side….

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