Damn you voters! You always get it wrong. First Obama and now this.....

People Magazine has named it's Sexiest Man Alive. For the 26th straight year, it wasn't me.This year it's someone named Channing Tatum. Who? I think he's the love child of Carol Channing and Tatum O'Neal. All I know is it's not me.

I've tried to get recognized. I sent People letters. I sent them photos (sure, some of them may have been a little inappropriate). My mom called their editors. I got a haircut. I shaved, once in a while. I gave away 5,000 Kenny Chesney tickets, for goodness sake! Nothing. Not a call, not a letter, not an honorable mention.

Well, I'll show you People. No longer will I thumb through your magazine when I'm standing in line at the grocery store. (Please note, it's "in line" not "on line.") While I'm waiting, I'll instead thumb through Rachel Ray's magazine, or rearrange all the candy bars on the other side of the aisle.

I might not be your version of the Sexiest Man Alive, People Magazine, but..... well, I got nothing....