It's time to grab the flashlight and carry on the Halloween tradition of Trick Or Treating. If you're coming to my house, you have to follow the rules. Here's we go!

1. No smoking. If you're old enough to smoke,  you're too old to get candy.

2. You must wear a costume. Show a little bit of effort, kid.

3. If your child is still being bottle fed, I'm not giving you candy.  We all know it's for you, Dad.

4. If you say, "Trick or Treat" and I say, "Trick", have some sort of come back ready, other than a blank stare.

5. Say "Thank You!" If you're the parent, make sure your kid says it. It's the right thing to do.

6. If the name of your daughter's costume contains the word, "slutty",  please pick up the phone and call your mother, a priest, or rabbi and explain why you let them make that choice.

Those are the rules. I'll be at the house where you get 3 pennies wrapped in Saran Wrap.