The Most Passive Aggressive Diet

As we get closer to the summer season, many of us are looking for a way to shed a few pounds. You may be like me and are searching through Pinterest and Googling diet and workout plans. There are so many "quick fixes" and "miracle diets" that promise amazing results. While the diet I am talking about doesn't claim to be a quick fix, it is one that circulates social media often.

The plan is called The Whole30 Program. The program is a 30 day food regiment. It requires you to cut out sugar (including honey, coconut sugar, Splenda, etc.), alcohol, grains (rice, oats, barley, quinoa, etc.), legumes (peas, chickpeas, peanuts, etc.), MSG, junk food, and baked goods (even made with approved ingredients). What makes this program passive aggressive?

At the bottom of the rules page is where things get a bit more interesting. The writers of the plan, I assume, try to motivate you.

The first bullet point of motivation says:

This is not hard. Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Fighting cancer is hard. Birthing a baby is hard. Losing a parent is hard. Drinking your coffee black. Is. Not. Hard. You’ve done harder things than this, and you have no excuse not to complete the program as written...

Yes, they compare a diet to having cancer and having a baby. But wait, there's more...

Don’t even consider the possibility of a “slip.” Unless you physically tripped and your face landed in a pizza, there is no “slip.” You make a choice to eat something unhealthy. It is always a choice, so do not phrase it as if you had an accident...

If falling face first into a pizza is the only way to get pizza in my life, I will do it. I will take one for the team. I'm not sure about you, but this doesn't exactly motivate me. In fact, it does the exact opposite. This next bullet point makes adults feel like middle schoolers.

You never, ever, ever have to eat anything you don’t want to eat. You’re all big boys and girls. Toughen up. Learn to say no, or make your mom proud and say, “No, thank you.” Learn to stick up for yourself. Just because it’s your sister’s birthday, or your best friend’s wedding, or your company picnic does not mean you have to eat anything. It’s always a choice, and we would hope that you stopped succumbing to peer pressure in 7th grade.

Hopefully that motivates you, because it sure didn't motivate me.