Everyone knows that driving for Uber or Lyft can be an amazing side hustle. It’s something that you can do in your spare time that’s easy and relatively mindless. And if you play your cards right, you really can make a nice little living doing it. That’s why so many New Jerseyans have jumped on the ride-share bandwagon. However, there are a few serious downsides, not the least of which is the amount of weirdos that you have to sometimes take from place to place. These are people you wouldn’t even want to spend one minute with if you were not forced to by the demands of your job description.

Here are but a few of the ridiculous things they’ve seen:

Tony in Keyport called to tell about the time that he arrived to pick up his ride and found out the “ride” was actually an in animate object. The person who summoned the Uber only wanted to send a coffee table to Brooklyn. Not to TAKE a coffee table to Brooklyn, mind you, but to use the Uber driver as her own personal delivery driver. I’m not exactly sure how Uber drivers feel about this but I have to say that it’s a great idea.

Another caller reported that he arrived to find an enormously pregnant woman waiting for him on a corner. She jumped in the car and said "Hi! I’m in labor. Take me to the hospital!" That’s a lot of pressure on a driver who wants to get her there fast but, unlike a husband, may not want to risk the ticket for just some random passenger. On the other hand, do you really want to have a complete stranger give birth in your car? Quite the dilemma.

Anthony told stories about various people who did not appear to be drunk but nevertheless proceeded to throw up in his car. This is why many Uber drivers refuse to pick people up from bars.

Several Uber drivers called to say that their passengers engaged in sex acts in the backseat. Imagine the poker face you have to have to do that 15 or 20 minute drive and pretend like you don’t notice people doing the nasty in the back.

A caller named Regis says he was given a destination address in a very seedy neighborhood and the sleazy-looking customer asked him to wait. After the passenger returned to the car it was obvious that he had just participated in a drug deal. He got out of there really quick.

My favorite ridiculous Uber story was from Kearny. He went to pick up his ride (in Kearny—that’s in New Jersey, kids) and was greeted with the question “Hey man, can you take me to Boston?” Dude... call a limousine service.

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