Confronting My Insecurities [VIDEO]
This video was hard to make. I have always been a person who exudes confidence and sometimes I have doubted that confidence. I have thought that maybe my confidence is false and that I put it on for a show. I have built up walls and defense mechanisms, that I pretend don't exist. I have done everything I can to not feel hurt.
I decided to sit down and talk about what goes in my mind and lay it all out on the table. I'm not doing this for people to feel sorry for me. I am happy with my life and everything I talk about in the video is the reason I am good at my job. I did this to show other people that it is okay to feel this way.
Over the years I have developed the uncanny ability to put myself in a position for people to make fun of me. I do this on purpose. I do this as a way to take the power away from people who would make fun of me about things that would actually hurt me. It's mildly masochistic.
I keep my circle very small. The more people I surround myself with, the more people that can hurt me. I do not go out often and I do not go to parties. I technically have never been to a real "party." The only parties I've been to were birthday parties as a kid and family parties. The only college party I attended was in my own apartment and it was only 4 people, so people don't consider that a party.
These are all things I do not like talking about. I hope that this could possibly help someone else that feels the same way I do.