Here’s Why I Want To Poke You With a Stick

Maybe it's time I start poking people with a stick.

Really.

Well, OK.... not really.

But, I kinda wanna, if you know what I mean.

(*PLEASE NOTE: I don't really want to poke anyone with a stick - and I will do my best to avoid doing it at all costs. My tongue is just stuck in my cheek, and I can't get it out!)

Here's why I want to poke you with a stick:

1. You don't use the crosswalk - and it's like 20 feet away. You just walk out into traffic and assume I'll stop. What if I'm having a bad day and I'm not really watching for you?

2. You've walked out in front of me, in the crosswalk (thank you), but your head is down, and your eyes and fingers are glued to your phone. You don't notice the traffic light changing. You don't notice the out-of-control bus hurdling its way toward you, either....

3. You're parked in the "Fire Zone" at Shoprite. You know, where it clearly says, "NO PARKING." That doesn't apply to you, though, `cause you're special. You only need to run in for one thing, or you're just waiting for your girlfriend to run in and buy you some smokes....

4. You go to slow in the left lane, and I can't pass you. I've got news for you: We all want to poke you with a stick!

5. I slow down to make a left turn, and you start honking because you can't get around me without driving onto the shoulder. Have some patience, my friend! I ain't inching across the yellow line just so you can zoom past me and park in the fire zone at Shoprite, so your girl can run in and buy you your smokes.

6. Your headlights need alignment. It's 4am and I'm on my way to work. You're coming the other way - after going to the all-night CVS to buy some smokes - and your car's headlights are all cockeyed. One of your headlights is pointing directly at me and burning my cornea, while the other is pointing up in the trees, looking for squirrels.

7. You're running on the road. Not the neighborhood road with little traffic. You're running on the tight two lane road with a lot of traffic and the 50 MPH speed limit. Can't you run on a quieter, less traveled street? Do you have to wear those lime-green shorts?

8. You've taken up two parking spaces. Really? Must you? Do you not understand what the lines are for?

OK, I think I've got it all out of my system now........