Why It’s Wrong That You’re a Cowboys Fan
Yes, the Cowboys beat the Eagles Sunday. We know.
We also know you shouldn't be a Cowboys fan. Shame on you!
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This article is meant to be humorous (mostly). If the hairs on the back of your neck are raised, it would probably be best if you clicked away, man. Click away.
Look, there are man codes and there are man codes. There are also sports fan codes! (At least in my mind...)
Bottom line, you and former Governor Chris Christie have NO BUSINESS BEING COWBOY FANS!
The Sports Fan Code (which again, I'm not really sure is a actually a thing, but it SHOULD be) says you can't root for a professional sports team unless one of the following is true:
1. You were born in the geographic region that follows a specific team. (This is the strongest reason to be a fan.)
2. You currently live in a region that the team is located. (This is understandable. You want to fit in. You can go to games, or see them all on TV without selling your soul to the satellite dish company.)
3. You at one time lived in the geographic region that the team is located. (We get it. You lived there, you grew close to the team.)
4. You are a direct decedent of a man (like a father, grandfather, uncle) who grew up in the geographic region that the team was located - and he is/was a fan. (Family, bro, family. It's the family ties and the paternal bond that teaches us who to root for.)
Now, the ugliness starts:
YOU CANNOT BE A FAN OF A SPECIFIC PRO SPORTS TEAM IF BOTH OF THE FOLLOWING APPLY:
1. You have never lived in the region where the team is located. (For example, if you were born in South Jersey, and your ass never received mail in Dallas or the surrounding Texas region.)
2. You don't have any family members that rooted for that team, based on any of the 4 points above. (No accepted family connection.)
THE ONLY EXCEPTIONS OF THE ABOVE:
1. You can be a fan of a certain pro team if a member of your family, or your community has gone pro and plays for that team. (For example, if you're from the greater Millville area, you're well within your God-given rights to cheer for the Los Angeles Angels and Mike Trout!)
2. You were born AND live in an area that isn't anyway close to a Pro Sports Team. (Like Guam, France, or the moon.)
3. Wait, there is no #3. That's it, #1 and #2 are it.
Now, here are examples of the wrong reasons to root for a team:
1. Because you like their uniform. (You're kidding, right)
2. You liked someone who used to play for them. (Grow up, true fans can't choose their own teams, LeBron...)
3. Your girlfriend roots for the team. (Where are your pants, my friend?)
4. You wore their uniform in Little League. (Does your Mommy still fix your lunch?)
So, let me summarize for the Cowboy fans....
If you're never lived in Texas or the general region, your dominant male family member isn't from Texas, and Mike Trout isn't playing wide-receiver for the Cowboys, you're in the wrong. The Cowboys should not be your team. You've jumped on a bandwagon that doesn't even have a sweet melody.
For you "ROOT FOR A NEW JERSEY TEAM" guys with lots of back hair....
Hold on. Just because you live in a state with a Pro Team, doesn't make that team yours. If you're closer to another team, that team should be yours. (South Jersey is closer to Philadelphia. That's the facts.)
If you are in a city with 2 Teams Playing the Same Sport....
I don't have that problem, so I don't care.
ONE MORE THING THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT:
All of the above ONLY APPLIES TO GUYS. I would never dream to tell a female what she should or shouldn't do, or can or can't do.