Open Letter to the Former Owner of the Mysterious Egg Harbor Twp NJ Shoe

Dear Person,

I saw it yesterday.

Your shoe.

Well, the shoe that formerly belonged to you. (I say formerly because I'm guessing you're done with it, you've moved on.)

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I saw the shoe as I was in the turn lane on the Black Horse Pike in Egg Harbor Township. I was sitting in the turn lane, waiting to head south onto English Creek Avenue.

There it was, perched on its side on the little raised divider between the lanes.

It was a pretty basic, white, low-top sneaker. The shoestring looked extra long.

Why is your former shoe there?

Did you leave it there on purpose, hoping someone would see it and write an open letter to you on a radio station website? If that's the case, BINGO!

Did you lose it somehow? Did you come out of the gym, set your sneaker on the top of your car, then forget them? If so, where's the other one?

Did the shoe get thrown out of your car? Were you trying to make a point with another driver, and you tossed the shoe at them? Were your kids fighting in the back seat, and one threw the shoe and it sailed out the window?

Are you the member of a gang, and maybe this shoe was tied to another, but when you threw the shoes up into the air to try to wrap them around a power line, you missed and the shoes came untied, with one landing right there, and the other falling into the back of someone's passing pickup truck?

Did you step in something (P-U!) and you just couldn't stand the smell so you tossed it out at the traffic light?

I've got to know! How did your shoe end up there?

I look forward to your reply.